Marriage: Are You Prepared for the Happily Ever After

I grew up watching Cinderella and Snow White and really believed in the fantasy that one day I would get swept off my feet, carried away and live happily ever after.  But, no one made a movie based on the happily ever after and what that would look like.  In three days I will be celebrating my 25^th wedding anniversary. When I met my husband If elt like I was being swept off my feet.  He knew how to say all the right things and make me feel safe, protected and most of all loved.  And then we got married.

My marriage has been a lot like a ride on a rollercoaster. We had a lot to learn and it wasn’t always easy.  He was raised to do and think a certain way based upon his family of origin and I was raised to think and behave based on mine.  And let me tell you – it sometimes felt as if we came from different planets.  If I was upset I expected him to know why.  If he made a decision I expected him to discuss it with me first.  If he made plans I thought he should run them by me and that we should decide together.  Often times we would argue over the smallest of things.  Like he would tell me that he was going to come home early from work.  For me this meant he would work a half-day.  For him…so when he would walk in the door ½ hour early I would be furious and say: “I thought you were coming home early today” he would look at his watch, then show it to me and say “I did. It is 5:30 I normally come home at 6.” 

Another thing I have learned is that he does things in a completely different way than I would. For example cleaning up after dinner.  My idea of this means that the sink is rinsed out and cleaned, the counter, table and stovetop are wiped, and the dishwasher is loaded and set to run (I know OCD); my husband’s idea of cleaning up means the dishes made it into the dishwasher. I used to think this meant he didn’t love me. I had to learn that his idea of clean was different than mine and it had no bearing on how he felt about me and us.

Marriage is really a lot of trial and error.  It is learning how to listen differently and ask for clarification.  Sometimes, you just have to breath and let go of your feelings and ask if what you heard your spouse or partner say is what he/she actually said.

It has taken 25 years to get swept off my feet, but I can honestly say that I am not sure I could have allowed or accepted what that meant or how that would feel when I was younger. Now, 25 years later my husband stepped up and planned a “surprise” trip for our anniversary.  And today, when he told me that we were going away, I was able to be grateful, excited and thank him. It only took me 25 years to learn that the best way to have your husband do what you want him to do is by accepting what he does with grace and gratitude.

Dear Reader, Do you think that these movies should have had a sequel?  What if we had been able to take a glimpse into the “happily ever after” of Cinderella?

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!

Real Bar Mitzvah: Themed After The Simpsons

My client's son loved the TV show The Simpsons and had been watching it his whole life.  The entire family would watch this show together and it really was something they all enjoyed doing together so we decided to use the TV show The Simpsons as the theme for their Bar Mitzvah celebration.

The challenge for me was to get inside the head of Marge Simpson, a cartoon character, and then put together a party that she would actually plan herself.

We ended up using a lot of different primary colors in our linen selection and worked within the parameters of the space we had and what could be provided by the venue.  The centerpieces were simple on the adult tables and for the kids we created accordion like pieces of plexi that we filled with pictures of the different characters. Each table was named for a character in the show. The venue walls were lined with portraits of the club members so we covered those with Simpson family portraits.  We brought in a clown to make balloon sculptures and also had a life sized Bart cut out for a photo op.  The parents did not want to go up in the chair for the Hora so instead we used Marge and Homer dolls in their place. 

Dear Reader, Do you have a favorite movie, TV show or book that you want to use for your child's Bar Mitzvah theme?  I would like to hear what you are doing.  Leave your comments and tell me what you are planning.

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!

Newly Engaged. Make The Choice That Feels Right For You!

Angel Orensanz, NYC

As women we are raised to be caretakers; to always put other people’s needs ahead of our own.    Your wedding day is the one and only day that was designed to be about and for you.  So let go of your need to do what is right for everyone else and choose to do what feels right for you.

Last week I had the opportunity to help one of my brides make a choice that felt right for her.  She had spent the last few months feverishly searching for the perfect wedding venue. She ended up very conflicted and unable to make a decision between 2 completely different spaces.  One space was completely done and felt elegant and glamorous and appeared to come with everything she could ever dream of and the other was more raw and urban- a space that she would get to play in and create the wedding she always dreamed about.  To everyone, the choice was obvious, go with the glamour, what is not to love? She was really torn and afraid that everyone would be mad at her if she picked the space she really wanted. After months of trying to make a decision her fiancée said, “I don’t care which place we get married in, I only care that we get married and that you are happy”  She turned to him and said “but, you do care”- he looked her in the eye and said: “no, I really don’t.  I just want you to make a decision and I will be ok with whatever you choose.”  It was so hard for her to trust that he really meant what he said.   

As I approach my 25^th year of marriage I was able to help her see that her fiancée meant what he said.  His only desire was her happiness and for him getting married was what he wanted and once he asked her to be his wife his decision was done.  

The next day we went back to both venues. And as soon as she stepped onto the street of the venue she loved she turned to me and said, this is it. I want to have my wedding here.  It was that simple.  If you can let go of what you think is the right decision for everyone else and go with your instinct and gut feeling you will certainly be one step closer to your dream.

Dear Reader,  Are you having trouble finding the venue that is right because everyone sees something different for you than you see for yourself?  I am curious as to how you would handle this situation.  Let me know.  I would love to hear from you.

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!

Bar Mitzvah Candlelighting: Are You Having One?

I have read many articles about whether or not there is significance or meaning in regards to the candle lighting ceremony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. And the truth is that I am not sure where it originated or why it came about. 

Some people like to think it was created for the florist to make more money on an elaborate display; I would like to think it was created as a supplement for being called to the Torah for an Aliyah.  I am not demeaning the Aliyah and nor do I think there is a greater honor than being called to the Torah for an Aliyah, I am only pointing out that in an Orthodox service women do not read Torah.  And it has only been in recent history, in certain sects of Judaism that this is changing.

Additionally,  I would like to point out that lighting candles plays a huge role in the life and rituals of Judaism: we light them at the start of  Shabbot, and most other holidays, to remember a dead relative and for each day of Hannukah. Fire, flame and candles have such significance in our lives that it seems to make perfect sense to have created a way to incorporate them into the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Dear Reader, What are your thoughts on the candle-lighting?  Are you having one at your child’s party?  Please let me know! 

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!

Your Wedding Ceremony; How Are You Incorporating Your Culture?

We spend most of our lives trying to fit in and be like everyone else; as kids our parents, culture, traditions and foods often embarrass us. The day you get married should be about embracing these things that make you unique and set you apart. Cultural and religious traditions offer a sense of security and continuity and bring richness into any ceremony or celebration. 

When I was a young adult I got to participate in my cousin’s wedding.  I was raised as a reform Jewish girl on Long Island in an area of Long Island that was not very Jewish; in fact it was the microcosm of assimilation. I had never been to a modern orthodox Jewish wedding before and this one night has stayed with me for most of my adult life. I remember his wedding being infused with so much Jewish tradition and culture but most of all it was a night filled with celebration and joy.

In the Jewish religion the groom sees the bride before she walks down the aisle so he can cover her face with the veil. It is called a “Bedecking” and this one stands out in my mind as magical. I remember that during the cocktail hour, which took place prior the wedding ceremony the bride came out and sat in a special chair on a platform, surrounded by her mother and her bridal party- guests approached and wished her well and then out of nowhere there was singing and the groom entered the room, surrounded by all his friends and close family and they danced him to where the Bride waited- As he approached the air was electric.  He covered her face everyone sang and danced and as quickly as he was danced into the space he was escorted out.

Almost 30 years later I can still remember this wedding and that moment.  It was magical and set the tone for the entire night.

Dear Reader, How are you planning to embrace your roots, your religion or your culture?  I am fascinated by the traditions of other cultures and religions.  I love when my couples decide to embrace theirs. So please share!  I would love to hear about how you plan to make your day special and unique.

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!

The Bar Mitzvah Service: Are You Inviting the Kids?

I have got to speak to a new trend in Bar and Bat Mitzvahs that I personally find disturbing.  I am finding that today a lot of parents do not want to invite their child’s classmates to the service because of bad behavior.  However, if we exclude children from our Synagogues and Temples than what is the message we are sending them?  How are we supposed to teach, educate and want them to grow up in the fold of Judaism if we exclude them from going to Shul? Is Judaism just for adults who can sit still and behave accordingly?  Aren’t we a people based on education and passing down traditions? If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a rite of passage for not only the child, but also his/her community than I think we are sending a very poor message to our children if we do not include them in the service.  Temples’ are supposed to be about community, belonging, and involvement; a place to feel safe, to come together and find acceptance.  Can’t we find some room for kids to be kids? If we cannot accept the behavior of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah age group then maybe we, as a community should re-evaluate the timing of this rite of passage.

Dear Readers, What are your thoughts?  Are you inviting your child’s friends to the service?  Have you found a way to curtail the bad behavior of his peers?  Do you think we are making a mistake by making service be a place of complete silence and intolerable of youth?

If you found this article helpful or interesting please leave a comment.  Let me know your thoughts, If you have any questions or need any information or would like to see me write about a topic you need help on let me know.  If you don’t want to leave a comment below you can always email me: Julia@eventuresinc.net or simply visit our website at www.eventuresinc.net. Subscribe to our list for your free ebook “Make it Your Own! The Ultimate Guide to Personalize Your Day”

Grace, Gratitude and Happy Planning!